Posts by Coffee House Girl

25

Feeling Guilty

by naazira in

jw
friends

i am feeling gulity because i will not be going to the summer convention.

i just can not sit through the talks they are sooo boring.

im cutting off all contact with the witnesses.

I am with most folks on here feeling relief and not guilt...my last convention I attended was at the time in my life when I was at the end of my rope and on my way "out" so to speak, so I had a horrible time and felt so utterly oppressed- thus I was relieved when the next assembly or convention came around and I knew I didn't have to go. I now remember how exhausted mentally and especially physically the conventions were...and for me the "spritual food" was easily forgotten a week after I got home and back into the JW grind of work, study, service, meetings.

CHG

51

Family is drawing the line in the sand

by dissonance_resolved in

jw
friends

so my family has obviously been noticing over the past several months that i've been missing meetings and fs.

i've had excuses sometimes, but not others, so my parents are definitely getting that this is more than a long bout of illnesses or fatigue.

i just received an email invitation to join them in service this weekend.

Coffee House Girl

Dissonance ..... I am so sorry. I know what it is like to want to delay & draw it out as long as possible, you love your family and don't want to give up a relationship with them, but eventually you can't escape the line in the sand-

But you can put the ball in their court...if you don't want to reveal your true feelings about the "truth" (so that they run scared thinking you've become an apostate), you can formulate a broken record response to every probing question they ask such as...."thank you for loving me and for your concern, but I am going through a hard time/depression right now and I need to work on it my way, so no I am not going out in service with you on Saturday." You do not have to spill your guts if you don't want to, sometimes a simple no without a lot of explanations is best. Just keep repeating the same answer until they have no where else to go in the conversation, then change the subject...ask how they are doing-how's work, health, etc. Tell them how much you love them, and assure them that you are doing what is best for you.

just my two cents,

CHG

62

Should I just DA or get DFD?

by Julia Orwell in

jw
friends

my never-a-jw dad told me today that mongrel jws who turn on me were never truly my friends and i'm better off without them, so why worry if i get disfellowshiped?.

i fear being disfellowshiped because my name will be dragged through the mud.

i also think it might be a good idea to da or get dfd because then the link is broken and the fade is over.

Coffee House Girl

I am going to weigh in with my personal experience too, just avoid and ignore (shun) them. I know it seems that they are at your heels right now and you want to be left alone, but if you take the initiative to shun them and do not answer the phone or the door when elders call, trust me...they will eventually quit- some other "problem" in the congregation will come up that needs "judicial action", the elders will have someone else to bother. Plus I think the elder body as a whole has a form of ADD, another "shiny" object comes along to distract them and they forget all about you.

For the first year I was out, I got the most pressure from friends and elders when it was time for the CO visit...that is when the CO would go through the files and find out who is inactive and put a bug in the elder's bonnet to "encourage" me...but shortly after the time of the CO visit the elders would go back to dealing with the host of other problem children in the congregation and forget all about me again. Now I moved to another territory and all my "friends" in the hall have long forgotten about me...they moved on to other "shiny" objects and made new "friends", they dont call me and I dont initiate contact with them.

I know you have friends that you have known your whole life and you feel an obligation to them...but sometimes you just have to let them go. You can still love them and wish the best for them (wish that they would get out of the cult too), but they have to make their own life decisions....if it stresses you out too much to keep in contact with a "conditional friendship" that just let it go.

I'm sorry you are going through this, I remember how stressed out I would get too (I also bit my fingernails)...but trust me it will pass in time.

CHG

88

jw.org store in Rouen, France

by breakfast of champions in

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvcvnhohno4.

naaaahh.

we're not a business.

Coffee House Girl

marked

67

Powerfully heart-wrenching experience by FORMER BETHLITE

by Black Man in

jw
friends

just wanting to post an experience by a former bethelite.

the first part was just published with the other two coming overt the next couple of weeks.

click the link.

Coffee House Girl

I could relate to so much of her story (including the same state, I love Birch Run ), it was a joy to read and gave me satisfaction to know that I am not alone here-

CHG

67

Tech49 on HOURS, TIME, and REPORTS

by Tech49 in

i thought i would share some of my observations on counting field service time, reports, etc.

and how those reports are viewed, to those that are still so fixated on numbers.. i served as secretary on the service committee for many years, and have seen it all!.

i was really disheartened when wt changed the requirement for aux pioneering to allow for 30 hrs, instead of the 50 it has been for so long.

Coffee House Girl

Oh...my....God, I wish I had known these tricks when I was a dub...I was so stupidly honest when I could've been goofing off the whole time

Very interesting perspective though, enjoyed reading

CHG

20

Out of the mental cell stuck in the physical prison......no-win situation

by Kensho in

jdubs are fond of quoting peter "where are we to go lord"... well the answer for me has been this forum for last couple of years which is really sad because i should be able to talk to my lifelong friends instead of faceless avatars.

( don't get me wrong this place has helped me through some really rough times mentally kudos to terry, cedars,slimboyfat, blondie,jwfacts and many others.).

the shun gun has prevented me from making the move completely out of this cult i have given my life to.

Coffee House Girl

I'm glad you got to vent, your post makes my heart ache for all of you out there that continue to have to lead that "double life" for family. When things became unbearable for me on the inside and I wasn't ready to pull the trigger yet, I started running. I think the exercise really helped to work stuff out inside my head, and the endorphins were needed to help fight the depression resulting from feeling so trapped and anxious. So I also think the hobby idea is a good one.

CHG

41

Another Newbie?

by DJS in

jw
friends

i guess i'm a newbie.

i've been reading (lurking) for a looooonnnnnggggg time, but have finally joined and this is my first post.

my story is of course very similar to all the others.

Coffee House Girl

Welcome!

Thank you for your first post, as I am now pursuing my undergrad (senior status, one year to go) and would also like to go to grad school. I like to read about post-exit success stories, it helps me to keep plugging along to secure a happier future outside the borg!

CHG

17

were friendships in other congregations discouraged?

by hoser in

jw
friends

i had a good friend with a lot of common interests but he was in a congregation about 40 miles away.

we did a lot together with both of our families.

until we had a local needs part about association with ones not in our own congregation.

Coffee House Girl

I remember as a teen the elders warning us about the "city" youth in urban congregations, I lived in a small rural territory and it was the elder's opinion that the city congregations were a little fast and loose with their youth, and they were getting in more trouble "dirty dancing"....we were counseled to not hang out with them as a group without adult chaperone's present

CHG

33

Do you feel guilty?

by new hope and happiness in

i have recently been having a feeling of guilt for having escaped the w.t while so many friends and family remain trapped.. has anyone else ever had similar feelings?.

Coffee House Girl

I remember feeling guilty when I first left that I was a bad person abandoning my family and friends (I also felt selfish)...but I was helped to realize that the guilt was the "cult-mentality" talking....we were taught in the org. that those who leave are being selfish and only thinking of themselves rather than our families (or abandoning our loyalty to the org). The idea and definition of "loyalty" was something I struggled with for a while, the word "loyal" is often thrown around in JW land and we defined ourselves by our degree of loyalness. We feel that we are a failure.

But in reality, we all have our own life decisions and paths to take, just because we decide on one particular path does not mean that we are failing others...

I do as many on this board do, I choose to love my family and friends even if they cannot reciprocate & I will always leave the door open if they want to talk or need help..but if they choose to leave it has to be for their own personal reasons-

CHG